Milady, You're Drunk
by KikiPuppy
Summary: Chat Noir was just having a normal, boring night when something unexpected happens: a very drunk Ladybug. Oneshot. Aged up (to legal drinking age). Rated T for mild language.


**It's been a while since I wrote for Miraculous Ladybug, but I'm here now! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chat Noir sat on the edge of a building, legs dangling and mind wandering. It was a calm night, quiet and peaceful, the kind of night that seemed to him like nothing even mildly interesting could happen.

He was dead wrong.

"Kitty!"

The voice was a very familiar one, though the squealing tone was not. Chat turned his head to look.

Sure enough, his superhero partner was heading towards him. But something was off. Instead of her usual confident stride, Ladybug was stumbling unsteadily across the roof.

He leapt to his feet instinctively when she teetered to the side. She somehow managed to catch herself before crashing onto the concrete, but he still hurried to her in concern.

"Milady, are you alright?" he asked worriedly, placing both hands firmly on her shoulders to steady her.

When she looked up, her blue gaze was unfocused and her cheeks were unnaturally red.

"Kitty!" she exclaimed when her eyes met his. "You're here!"

"Ladybug, what _happened_ to you?" Chat demanded.

She just giggled.

"Here, sit down." He carefully lowered Ladybug to a sitting position on the floor.

"Hang on, I'll be right back." Chat ran and jumped off the roof, landing in the middle of the street.

He hurried to the convenience store at the corner—thank God it was still open—and quickly bought a bottle of water.

In less than two minutes, he was back on the roof and handing Ladybug the water bottle. She took it and, after struggling to twist the cap open, took a small sip.

Chat sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders to keep her upright.

"I'm so happy you're here, chaton," Ladybug sighed, leaning against his shoulder.

"Milady, I don't understand, how'd you get _this_ drunk?" Chat fretted. "You could get hurt! Or sick... haven't you heard of alcohol poisoning? Or what if you stumbled onto the middle of the street? Oh my God, you even have a magic yo-yo! How'd you even get on this roof? What if you—"

Ladybug stopped him with a smack on the chest. "Chill, kitty, I'm fine." She hiccuped once, then giggled to herself. "You're worry too much."

A sudden wave of anger surged through him.

"_I_ worry too much?" he all but yelled. "_You're_ the one who got completely fucking _wasted_ and somehow climbed on this roof! Do you know how _dangerous_ that—"

He was interrupted by something suddenly pressing on his lips. It took a second for him to realize that it was Ladybug. Oh God, Ladybug was _kissing_ him!

Frozen in shock for what seemed like either split seconds or hours, he sat there, eyes wide, as Ladybug moved her lips on his.

When he finally regained his ability to think, he hastily pushed her off. Adrenaline rushed through him as butterflies exploded in his stomach.

"What are you _doing_?" he hissed, internally cursing the city for being so brightly lit at night. His face must be in flames right now. It certainly felt like it.

"I love you," Ladybug slurred, her head dropping onto his chest.

"W-what?" His brain must not be working properly from the kiss, because there's no way in hell Ladybug would ever say that to him, not even when drunk.

"Ladybug, you don't mean that."

"I love you, kitty, so much," she continued. "You, like, come up second."

"Come up second?"

"I mean you're a great person," she mused, "and amazing and brave and I trust you with my life, but..."

She trailed off, staring off into space and smiling softly. He knew that look. It was the look on Nino's face whenever he talked about his and Alya's upcoming wedding. The look on Juleka's face when she talked about Rose.

"But what?"

"I'm in love." She sighed, smile suddenly gone.

Chat's heart broke once again. No matter how many times he's heard it, it never hurts less.

He remembered when he was younger, for a period of time, he actually blamed _her_ for not returning his feelings. He later realized how toxic and stupid and completely _wrong_ that was, and internally slapped himself for that.

So he cut down on the flirting, replacing it with good-natured teasing. He consciously reminded himself not to touch her in more than a friendly way. He quit randomly declaring his undying love for her. He tried moving on several times with other girls, even though they never worked out.

But he wants her to be happy. He still laughs and talks and even gives her advice on how to deal with her crush once in a while, holding in his tears until he got home to cry.

After a long pause, he whispered, "I know you are."

_So am I._

"But he's oblivious," Ladybug said. "So _damn_ dumb. The whole class knows, maybe even the whole school." She gave a short laugh and closed her eyes.

Chat found himself staring at her eyelashes. They were long and dark, pitch black and brushing against porcelain skin.

She was so beautiful in that moment, love and sadness and drunken bluntness all mixed together. And then the memory of her kissing him resurfaced abruptly. His lips tingled where she put hers, and he felt his face flush again.

He blinked once and turned his head away. Her beauty was not for him to stare at, but her pain was sure for him to ease, as her _friend_.

"Was he the reason you're so drunk right now, milady?" he asked. "Did he do something?" This hadn't occurred to him until just now. What if this guy had hurt Ladybug somehow?

"Yeah, guess you could say he's the reason," she mumbled. "But it's not what he did, it's everything he didn't do." Her eyes opened. "Did I mention how oblivious that guy is?"

The hot fury that had started to build at the first part of her answer began to fade.

"Shit, now I'm talking like it's his fault that I'm a coward who can't even tell him about my feelings," Ladybug said, shaking her head. "It's my fault, my fault..." She began muttering incoherently under her breath.

"Milady, don't do this to yourself," Chat said. "You know—" He swallowed the lump that had grown in his throat. "_Back when_ I, you know, had a crush on you, telling you was the easiest thing. I felt it so strongly that I thought it obvious to share it."

Her blue eyes turned on him, questioning, curious. He had to stop this sudden undivided attention from messing with his brain. "And since you're feeling the same way for that guy, you could just forget about the situation and just _do it_, like I once did."

"You mean like, pretend I'm you?" she asked.

"No, no, don't do that," he answered, shaking his head. "That's not being yourself. Pretending to be someone else never works. I meant... just imagine that I'm lending you strength. Use my confidence, but don't try to _be_ me. Be yourself."

"Lending me strength..." Ladybug mused. "Sounds like something from an anime..." She snickered to herself for a solid twenty seconds over that, reminding Chat that she was indeed still very drunk. He then quickly lifted her water bottle to her lips and waited as she took a swig.

"Thanks, I'll remember the advice," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Wish you luck," Chat said, forcing his face into a smile.

"Yeah, I'll need that."

"So you still haven't told me why you decided to get drunk by yourself and then swing around the city," he pointed out.

"I don't know, kitty," Ladybug sighed. "I chickened out with him again today at uni. And I just kind of got frustrated with myself and went out for a drink. And just for the record, I'm not—" She hiccuped. "—drunk."

"Sure you're not." Chat couldn't help rolling his eyes.

"No, really, I'm perfectly fine," Ladybug insisted. "I'm conscious and I'm functioning. Perfectly fine. Like I didn't even tell you that my real name is M—"

"Ladybug!" Chat slapped a hand over her mouth, panicked.

They just stared at each other wide-eyed for a moment, Chat's gloved hand over her mouth. Then he slowly removed it with a slow shake of his head and a warning look.

"Oops," was all Ladybug said before she passed out cold.

"Milady?" Chat asked cautiously after a second.

She mumbled a bit in her sleep.

"Ladybug." He gently tapped her face with a finger. A lock of midnight hair fell in front of her face. Chat brushed it aside and tucked it behind her ear.

"Guess I have to stay," he said aloud to the empty night air. "Can't leave you unconscious on a rooftop, can I?"

God, her eyelashes were distracting. And her face. And her lips. Before he even knew what he was doing, his thumb was brushing across her cheekbone softly.

A quiet mumble escaped from her lips, jerking him backwards.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he apologized out loud. He ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. _Stop being a creep_, he told himself.

He stood up and set Ladybug down gently on the floor.

After he made sure she was lying on her side, he started pacing around, like he always does when he's anxious. What was he even supposed to _do_? It's not like he's had much experience taking care of drunk girls.

If only they didn't have to deal with the secret identity bullshit. He could've just picked her up and sent her home, safe and sound. Instead he was stuck on a rooftop until she woke up, and got well enough to get home by herself.

Glancing over at her sleeping form, he noticed how she was slightly curling in on herself. It was a pretty chilly night, he remembered.

Where would he get a blanket in the middle of the night? It's not like the convenience store on the corner sold them.

In a moment of absolute brilliance, he remembered the blanket that Marinette always left out for him on her balcony. Surely she wouldn't mind if he borrowed it for one night, right?

Even better, Marinette's apartment was only a few blocks away from where they were now. A round trip would take less than five minutes, if he hurried.

Two minutes later, Chat landed silently on the balcony. Careful not to make noise, so as to not bother the probably sleeping Marinette inside, he snatched up the blanket and took off again.

After Ladybug was bundled in the fluffy blanket and snoozing peacefully, Chat finally allowed himself to relax. No use being anxious when Ladybug was currently doing just fine. He settled down a respectable distance besides her and closed his eyes.

Before he knew it, sunlight was shining in his eyes and the city was already awake with noise. He sat up, looking around. The rooftop was empty, and he immediately panicked.

"Ladybug?" Chat called out, scrambling to his feet. His legs were tangled in something though, and he fell flat on his face.

"Oww," he muttered.

He got up slower this time, rubbing his nose. Ladybug was nowhere to be seen, and Marinette's blanket was wrapped around his legs. So _that's_ what he got tangled in.

Ladybug must've woken up earlier, and left. He hoped she got home okay, because even though she might not be drunk anymore after a night's sleep, she must be suffering a terrible hangover.

Well, worrying won't help in this situation. Chat pulled out his baton and, with the blanket under one arm, headed towards Marinette's.

He landed on the balcony and carefully placed the folded blanket back onto the lawn chair.

Just as he turned to leave, the balcony door opened and Marinette stepped out. She sighed and closed the door behind her.

She had a glass of water and a couple of aspirin pills in her hands, which she popped in her mouth. She took a gulp of water, then placed the glass on the table.

Then she leaned back against the door and looked out at the city. It took him a moment to realize that she hasn't seen him yet.

He awkwardly watched as she lowered her head in her hands and groaned into her palms.

"Marinette?" he asked hesitantly.

Marinette jumped, head snapping up. "Wha—" She stumbled, caught on to the door handle to steady herself, and somehow still managed to fall over.

Chat hurried to help her up, apologizing profusely.

"Chat? What are you doing here?" she asked, once she was back on her feet.

"Sorry for scaring you, Princess," he said, "but I was just returning something that I borrowed last night."

Her eyes flicked over to the folded blanket on the lawn chair.

He wondered how she knew what exactly it was that he borrowed, but decided not to ask.

"And I'm really sorry for not asking permission before I took it, but it was late and it was urgent."

"Urgent, huh?" she replied. She looked up at him with a knowing look. She sounded almost playful when she asked, "What could be such an urgent use for a blanket?"

A brief moment of panic came over Chat when he had to make a split second decision on what to tell her. He can't just _tell_ her that _Ladybug_, superheroine of Paris, came stumbling onto some rooftop _drunk_, right?

"Uh, I was— I got... cold... um, on patrol..."

Marinette _laughed_.

"Hey, what's so funny?" he said indignantly.

"Nothing," she giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Anyway, are you doing alright?" Chat asked.

Marinette looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"When you first came out here, you seemed... I don't know, you had your head in your hands and you were sighing and..."

"Oh that," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "Just a migraine, nothing bad."

"Oh, um, do you need me to get you anything?" Chat asked.

"No, no, I'm fine, just a bit hungover, that's all."

"Hungover? You drank last night?" Chat asked. He could think of another person who got pretty drunk last night.

Marinette's eyes widened a little, but relaxed again so quickly that Chat thought he might've imagined it.

"Yeah, I went out with some friends," she said.

"Another friend of mine got pretty drunk last night, too," Chat couldn't help commenting. "What a coincidence, huh?"

"Yeah, what a coincidence." Marinette laughed nervously.

The conversation lapsed into silence. After a few moments, it was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Welp, gotta go." Chat hopped into the balcony railing and waved awkwardly. "Still have a class later today. And, uh, sorry again for taking the blanket without asking!"

"No prob, you can use it anytime," she said.

Chat jumped off and hurried to the pharmacy, transforming back on the way. If Marinette was taking aspirin for her hangover, maybe it would help Ladybug, too.

* * *

**Ahh, they got so close to a reveal/realization _twice_! But as we all know, Chat's both too noble and too oblivious for that. Thanks for reading and please leave a review!**


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